rough couple of days..

Well after the results at Wednesday's appointment we were told our options were to have a D & C done or to wait until my body passed the baby on its own. There were risks with both, including risk of infection with leaving it to happen naturally, and the risk of puncturing or damaging my uterus with the D& C procedure. We weighed both options and decided that for emotional reasons that the D& C was the best option for us. The thought of having to wait up to three weeks for it to happen naturally, knowing that the baby had passed on inside me, was just too much to deal with. We decided that the D & C procedure would help us to find some closure and begin the grieving process.

I had the D & C done Thurs morning at 7:15, at North Memorial in Maple Grove. Here's how wonderful our RE is, Dr. Corfman came in on his day off to perform the D & C for me. He was wonderful with my parents and Jeff, and I can't believe how caring and tender he was with me, he held my hand while they were putting me to sleep in the surgery room and spent a long time talking with my parents and Jeff, reassuring them that I was ok, that I would still be able to have children, and that he would go over everything that happened during this IVF with us in a couple weeks after we had time to heal a little more emotionally and physically. He spends so much time talking to us and we both have decided that we wouldn't go to anybody else if we decide to do a second IVF cycle. I trust him completely.

It's still hard to believe that it's over. We are going through the grieving process, and I find myself alternating between disbelief and still thinking that I'm pregnant, and being really pissed off at the world because there is nobody I can blame for this awful thing that has happened.  I really just want an answer why, after all we did to make our dreams come true it was taken away from us. Life really isn't fair right now. I know things will get better and it will hurt less with time, but right now, I am completely broken.

I will update more as the days go on, as this blog gives me a place to vent and to grieve.