Sunday, October 31, 2010

Chapter 1 from Jeff

We've talked about this a lot the last few days, and we have decided that it's time to wrap up chapter one of this blog to reflect the same in our actual life. This has been such an amazing roller coaster ride, and as much pain as it has caused us to say goodbye to the seahorse/blueberry/dream to which we had already grown attached beyond anything imaginable, we have to find a way to move on and start thinking about what is next. First, anyone who has read our blog is well aware of the fact that we have the most amazing doctor, who has shown us nothing but the finest level of care, expertise, professionalism, and compassion that is humanly possible and we look forward to continuing to work with him and his incredible staff. We really don't know what he's going to recommend moving forward, but we trust him 100%. We entered into this adventure with honestly a pretty low level of confidence that it was going to work at all. I can't put into words how proud I am of what we were able to accomplish, endure, and experience, especially Kim, but I can say that our couple of months as expecting parents were among the best things I've ever been through. Getting a taste of what we want so much has made the end more difficult to process, but also the next steps that much more important and exciting. I have to express the utmost appreciation for everyone who has been with us along the way in person, thoughts, prayers, hopes, wishes, appendage-crossing, etc, and can't tell you how much it means to us to have felt so much love over the past week. We are doing as well as we can through the end of this chapter, leaning heavily on each other in addition to all of your great support. It's not easy for us to share this with everyone, so please don't be offended if you don't catch us on the phone, or if you are a newer addition to expanded e-mail circle, or if we seem distant anytime.  We received a great card yesterday that said it perfectly in our eyes...

'It's okay to talk about it, or not talk about it.  It's okay to ask for help or just want to be alone.  It's okay to be angry or feel frustrated.  It's okay to laugh sometimes and cry other times.  It's okay to take all the time you need....because what I want for you is for things to be more than okay."

....so thanks to everyone for all past, present and future support.  We're ready for chapter two and need all of the positive energy we can get.

Jeff & Kim

Saturday, October 30, 2010

rough couple of days..

Well after the results at Wednesday's appointment we were told our options were to have a D & C done or to wait until my body passed the baby on its own. There were risks with both, including risk of infection with leaving it to happen naturally, and the risk of puncturing or damaging my uterus with the D& C procedure. We weighed both options and decided that for emotional reasons that the D& C was the best option for us. The thought of having to wait up to three weeks for it to happen naturally, knowing that the baby had passed on inside me, was just too much to deal with. We decided that the D & C procedure would help us to find some closure and begin the grieving process.

I had the D & C done Thurs morning at 7:15, at North Memorial in Maple Grove. Here's how wonderful our RE is, Dr. Corfman came in on his day off to perform the D & C for me. He was wonderful with my parents and Jeff, and I can't believe how caring and tender he was with me, he held my hand while they were putting me to sleep in the surgery room and spent a long time talking with my parents and Jeff, reassuring them that I was ok, that I would still be able to have children, and that he would go over everything that happened during this IVF with us in a couple weeks after we had time to heal a little more emotionally and physically. He spends so much time talking to us and we both have decided that we wouldn't go to anybody else if we decide to do a second IVF cycle. I trust him completely.

It's still hard to believe that it's over. We are going through the grieving process, and I find myself alternating between disbelief and still thinking that I'm pregnant, and being really pissed off at the world because there is nobody I can blame for this awful thing that has happened.  I really just want an answer why, after all we did to make our dreams come true it was taken away from us. Life really isn't fair right now. I know things will get better and it will hurt less with time, but right now, I am completely broken.

I will update more as the days go on, as this blog gives me a place to vent and to grieve. 

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

The end

There was no heartbeat at the appointment today, at 8 weeks baby Mensing has passed on.There are no words that can express the heartbreak over this loss...we love you baby Mensing.
Thank you to everybody for all of your continued support and love throughout our journey. We love you all.

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Still week 7...




What the little blueberry is up to in there...
So accordig to what to expect.com the baby is now about the size of a blueberry (and about 10,000 times bigger than at conception). Isn't that just the cutest little thought....i have a blueberry in there (better than a seahorse I guess) ? Most of that growth is concentrated in the head as new brain cells are generated at the rate of 100 per minute. The baby's mouth and tongue are forming as arm and leg buds sprout, and those little kidneys (the third and permanent set) are getting ready to do their job (pee production and excretion) doesn't that sound pleasant?!
What's going on with me...
So anyway, how am I feeling this week? Well after last weeks appointment I swear that now that I know there is something in there, my body has decided to "feel" like there is something in there. Last week I was convinced that my boobs had stopped hurting and had reduced in size, so of course, for about three days I was a nervous wreck thinking that my symptoms were disappearing and something was going wrong. A word to the wise: do not beat the crap out of your boobs to see if they are still sore. They never did anything to you and don't deserve to be pounded into a pulpy residue, okay? But then towards the end of the week I was visited by a visitor named FATIGUE!! He visits me everyday right around 3 PM and is a pesky little bugger in that he INSISTS that I have a nap or else he makes me fall asleep no matter what I am doing whether I want to or not, so I figure might as well play nice and plan a nap into my day if possible. If I don't get my nap, I also feel more nauseous then otherwise, so I give in to the blueberry's needs and take a nap (giving mommy that I am and all ). Also, for the past two weeks I've had times where I've felt a little queasy, but never anything too extreme. Well over the weekend and yesterday in particular, the increased smell and aversion to foods hit me full on, grocery shopping is difficult when the produce aisle makes me feel like I'm going to toss my cookies, and last night I actually couldn't stand the taste of mashed potatoes!! Now if you know me at all, you know that normally i could LIVE on mashed potatoes. Jeff decided that I am definitely pregnant after that. So the nausea is there off and on all day especially when I get hungry or right after I eat, it just feels like a nasty taste in the back of my throat and I wonder if I'll need to sprint towards the toilet at any moment. I haven't needed to, in case you were wondering, and usually the nausea passes relatively quickly. But boy....that fatigue. Sunday I got 9 hours of sleep and still needed a 2 hour nap yesterday. So not normal but totally fabulous, right?
Tomorrow we have an appt with Dr. Corfman again to see the baby's heartbeat... I will update tomorrow after the appt.

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Blueberry Update


Just got back from MCRH and Dr. Corfman did an ultrasound to see how many blueberries are in there, to look for a sac and the fetal pole and to look for the heartbeat. There is one blueberry in there and we were able to see the sac and the fetal pole, as for the heartbeat, he thought he could see it but since the baby implanted really high on my uterus he couldn't be sure. He told us that since we are only 6 weeks 6 days today that he wasn't going to freak if he didn't see the heartbeat, but he would like to see us next week for another ultrasound to be sure.

He said after we see the heartbeat next week that our chances of a miscarriage goes down to 4%, !

We are soooo excited !!


Jeff is conviced we are having a seahorse.

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

tomorrows appointment... more waiting


Not much of an update today... just waiting for the ultrasound tomorrow (which isn't until 10:30). I am feeling pretty excited and nervous about tomorrow's appointment, I just want to see the heartbeat and put my mind at ease that everything is fine since I am no longer feeling any symptoms. I can't believe that I am actually sad about not having morning sickness and all the other symptoms that pregnancy can bring, but like I've said before I'm a worrier and with the way this pregnancy started I'd love to have the reassurance that all is ok in there.




Today I am 6 weeks 6 days pregnant and the baby is the size of a blueberry (our good friends the Winands said fruit references are the way to go and hopefully we'll follow their luck and get blueberries, so there will be no bean and legume references, ewwww), and we will continue to hold our breath here until we see that little heart go pitter patter tomorrow.




we still appreciate all the thoughts, prayers and crossed appendages from everyone. Thanks for the continued support !






Thursday, October 14, 2010

nothing new just checking in

not much new to report here.. today we are 6 weeks pregnant.
Still don't "feel" very pregnant, but looking forward to getting over the BIG hurdle next Thurs, the internal ultrasound to check the baby's heartbeat. Looking for 100-160 beats per minute.

That's all for now keep the good thoughts and prayers coming that all remains well and the baby is in there growing and developing healthy and strong.

Monday, October 11, 2010

late bloomers


It turns out that our baby is going to be a headstrong, stubborn, I'll do what I want in my own time, baby (some say like his/her mother). So just like my spring flowers that I bought this year that decided that they wanted to bloom in their own time and have decided that fall is actually their time, our baby has decided now is his/her time too, not a week ago or two weeks ago when they were "supposed" to!! :o)
Our blood test this morning was a nail biter to say the least, we were preparing for the worst and hoping for the best. Our levels came in today at 475. Dr. Corfman was very pleased with this rise and has ordered an ultrasound next Monday morning.
Thank you to everyone who has prayed for us, sent up wishes on stars, and crossed body parts till they hurt, we are again so excited that words cannot do our feelings justice. We continue to pray and hope that the baby continues to grow healthy and strong. We will continue to update the blog with any changes.
Thank you again to all of our loved ones for continued support and we look forward to celebrating our pregnancy journey with all of you in the months to come!

Sunday, October 10, 2010

weekend adventure...


So this waiting is driving me crazy!! It seems like that has been the majority of this adventure, waiting and waiting and waiting.... This has been one long weeknd so far, even though we did get out of the house all day yesterday. You'd be surprised at how many pregnant women are out there and how I am now like a magnet, for some reason, to being in locations where there are babies and pregnant women. hmmmph.


So yesterday Jeff and I decided to take a drive to see the fall colors. We drove through Red Wing, and down to Wabasha where we wandered around and then popped into the National Eagle center, which was pretty cool. We then drove to Pepin and had a nice lunch at the Harbor View Cafe overlooking the water, then meandered back up through Wisconsin and back home. It was such a beautiful day out, and even though we should have been home getting stuff done around the house, it was nice to get out and enjoy the weather and try to take our minds off of Monday.

Today we are getting some stuff done around the house, putting up our new blinds, getting our new wireless router to work, playing in the leaves (or cleaning the deck, however you want to look at it), then we are headed to St. Paul for the march for children and youth in St. Paul, for a class of mine. Tonight it sounds like we are headed to The Blue Door to meet Julie since she's in town, should be nice, and a peanut butter bacon burger doesn't hurt to put a smile on my face either.. yummm!


So far there has been no bleeding (which is a very good sign) and I've just had to deal with bad cramping and back pain. We will continue to hope this remains the situation and that tomorrow we receive the news we are hoping for!!


I know I keep asking for them.. but if you have any left, keep sending your prayers and "home sweet home" thoughts my way....

Thursday, October 7, 2010

Here's the plan

Talked to the clinic yesterday afternoon and Jennifer said that there is no way to tell which way the pregnancy will go yet, that the numbers aren't increasing like they would like to see, but at least they are increasing. She reviewed our results with Dr. Corfman and he said the plan is to come in for another beta test on Monday, which will tell us more which way the pregnancy is going to go. As long as we have no bleeding or symptoms that get worse, Monday is the plan.

So yesterday was tough, I cried a lot, I was so pissed that after all we've done to get to this point, all the shots, and all the waiting, that it still could be taken away. I kept putting my hand on my stomach and praying and asking the baby to give us a chance. It just didn't seem fair to me. Even now writing this brings tears to my eyes to think that this adventure could be over on Monday. To say the least I was devastated to hear that news.

But after some sleep I've come to realize that I'm just going to enjoy being pregnant (whatever that means)while I have it. I remain PUPO !!I have never really done things the "normal" way, and have always had my own schedule that didn't fit everybody elses, so maybe our baby is just like me, always stubborn and headstrong and wanting to do things his/her own way!

Please keep sending your prayers and thoughts for good news on Monday.
And if you have any suggestions on how to get through yet another long weekend.. I'm all ears.

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

how quickly things change.

Got the results from our bloodwork today, the HCG levels were not good, we went from 60 to only 84 today, the baby is not growing and developing like it should. The nurse said they would have to review the results with Dr. Corfman and get back to us on what the plan is, he may want me to come in to get rechecked on Friday, or he may say lets wait for the ultrasound. Either way, my heart is breaking, I'm so worried that all the joy and happiness that we've been given will be taken away from us again.

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

The results are in ...


So the test results are in …. We are pregnant!! I went in for my blood test yesterday morning at 8:45 and luckily got Jennifer (not the evil nurse) so the blood draw was a piece of cake. When I went to the appointment yesterday morning I was under the impression that yesterday’s appt wasn’t the make or break appt, but part one of two, when Jennifer informed me that yesterday was in fact the “BIG ONE”, we were either pregnant or not, I skyped Jeff imediately when I got home and told him to get his butt home so we could listen to the message together. She also told me that they were looking for a HCG level of 100 or greater to indicate a strong implantation and to have less risk of miscarriage, but that anything over 5 is indicative of pregnancy. We came in at 60. So now we hold our breath that the number doubles tomorrow morning to show continued growth for the baby and hopefully a strong pregnancy.

Words can’t describe the excitement that Jeff and I are feeling! This is my first confirmed pregnancy, and the whole experience is just surreal. I even have to admit that I have literally pinched myself a couple times, and that I have this fear of waking up and it was all a dream.
We continue to pray that this pregnancy is the baby we will hold in our arms someday...

-------------------------------------Why we told so soon-------------------------------------

When we first decided to start a family, I think we were like most people, we planned to keep our pregnancy a secret until after the first trimester. We had dreams of showing off ultrasound pics and announcing that there would soon be a baby in our home.

The Infertility monster killed all those dreams. I began this blog as a journal of our experience with the hopes that our future child would someday be able to read it. It was also a place for friends and loved ones to keep track of our progress. It helped me avoid answering a million questions from everyone about where we were in the process while also helping our loved ones understand the many many steps that were involved, and cheer along with us as we made it over each hurdle along the way. Writing was cathartic, while talking about it was oftentimes painful.

Five years into this journey, and most people in our life are aware of what we are going through, and have supported us and cheered us on through the many failed IUI’s and then with the emotionally, physically, and financially draining adventure that is IVF.
It quickly, became very clear that we had two options, avoid people altogether and fall off the face of the earth (and this blog) after we got our results , knowing that there remains a greater chance for miscarriage before the end of the first trimester, or share early. We’ve decided to rejoice in this pregnancy and be optimistic that this is it for us, that this pregnancy will result in the baby that we have been dreaming about. And even though it's scary to share this early, it seems only natural that all of you, our friends and families will be along for the ride, just like you have been a part of this process since the beginning.

Thank you to all of you for all the love and support you have shown us, and please keep the prayers and thoughts going that we will have a healthy complete pregnancy!!!

Sunday, October 3, 2010

No No No... No aunt Flo !

So my body is being even more mysterious (and bratty if you ask me) because last night Jeff and I are hanging out on the couch watching a movie, enjoying the fireplace (yes we turned it on already.. I LOVE fall) and I take a pause to go do my evening dose.. holy cows.. what's that.. it's brown spotting! This leads to me almost being in tears as this is quite common before aunt flo shows up full speed. We head to the google to do some research and we find out that this symptom can be either a really good thing or a bad thing. of course. The brown blood can mean that my uterus is beginning to shift and expand to get ready for baby, which in turn pushes out the brown blood (old blood) from implantation bleeding. So if that is the case that's a very good sign... of course it can also be pre-aunt flo.. so we are waiting to see if the brown blood turns red which is an indication of aunt flo, or stays brown which could mean we are going to be doing the snoopy dance on Monday when we get a positive beta.

The waiting is killing me though.

Things seem to be back to normal this morning...all clear, so far anyway. I am meeting my study group at 10 am at barnes and noble... I think this situation calls for a decaf pumpkin spice latte for sure !!!

SO if you have an extra minute today to give us a thought.. think ANTI-AUNT-FLO thoughts please !!

(sorry for the boring font and no fun pictures but I'm not using my computer)

Friday, October 1, 2010

still good ...


A quick update: Still no Aunt Flo, slight headache continues, and monster cramps and pressure.

I'm also at the point where I've done so much research on everything that could be a symptom that I'm not sure if I'm talking myself into feeling things that aren't there or not.
This morning I couldn't stand to be in the kitchen because I swore the smell of the garbage was overwhelming, Jeff went in the kitchen and said it was barely noticable. Hmmm

I'm also drinking water like a camel, going through six bottles of water in less than two days ( I DON'T drink water).
the countdown continues:
2 days until beta blood test @ 8:45

Thursday, September 30, 2010

symptom?







So last night I started to get cramps and a tightness in my pelvic area. After doing research on it, it could either be caused from pregnancy or it could be the not so friendly greeting from aunt flo. With no other symptoms to go on (outside of a little low back pain which is really common for me anyway) we just have to wait and pray that aunt flo doesn't rear her ugly head this weekend. I have never wanted to make it to a blood test so bad in my life! I know I asked for my body to tell me what was going on in there.. but couldn't it pick a symptom that is NOT normal?


11dp3dt and I've decided I am not going to POA even though the box is calling my name....because it could still give me a false positive.
I will continue to post any changes.... and if there are none today (meaning no aunt flo) I will be greatful for class tonight to take my mind off of things. I am an emotional wreck today... waiting sucks!!
I ask for everybody thoughts and prayers that this journey doesn't end today...

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

The two week wait update







So it's been a while since I've posted anything... that's because I'm in the dreaded two week wait (and going crazy) now.. so I thought I should update and tell everyone what's been going on.
I am now 10dp3dt. I go in on Monday for my first BETA test (blood test to check for HCG/pregnancy hormone levels). I am no longer on any medications except for vaginal progesterone suppositories (YUCK). These are done three times a day, and because they are progesterone in oil they are a yucky gooey messy process which requires me to wear a pad 24/7 (sorry TMI to some of you I know).

I have to share a story about Jeff's trip to get me pads to deal with the messy things. I have learned my lesson that when asking a male to pick these items up for you, you need to be very specific including a picture of the box, specific name brand, etc. I asked Jeff to pick up some pantiliners for me... he brought me home elephant pads (I swear they were that big lol ), he comes in the door and hands me the box saying that they didn't carry the kind that I had in the bathroom so he got the same brand but a different "type". I said..that's ok and proceeded to go upstairs to do my evening dose, I open the box, take one out and just about fell over laughing at the ginormous (not sure that is a word.. but it fits these suckers) pads, they just kept unfolding and unfolding, like some weird origami. I brought it out to show Jeff and we determined that it is longer than one of Jeff's shoes!!! Hmmm not going to work, but I give him points for going in there and buying the things!!! I know many men who would say NO WAY!
So, I had a tough day yesterday/ last night. I have been feeling really good, bloating gone, water weight almost gone, just a nagging headache that has been off and on for the last couple of days. But feeling good isn't what I want right now, I want sore boobs, and bloating and nausea etc.. I want pregnancy symptoms, I have none :o( I know it's possible to be pregnant without the symptoms, but I just wish my body would tell me one way or another what was going on in there. So I've been worrying/stressed about Monday and getting the results of the BETA, which has me distracted and finding it hard to concentrate on school work.
I am going to try and add a page to my blog about infertility etiquette which I wish I could make everybody read. I am a strong woman but one can only take so much....last night I was with my study group and after sharing with them what I have been going through, one girl proceeded to share information about her sister just got pregnant, I asked "oh did she go through IVF too, (I always love to hear about success stories of IVF), she said "No she just got pregnant by accident" REALLY ?? You think that is an appropriate thing to tell me? She then proceeded to go on and on about other family members and how they are all so fertile and how they get pregnant by accident all the time. *SIGH* Some people are just missing sensitivity chips, and the scary part is this is a woman who is a therapist?!?

Today I am emotional, and wishing and praying to feel anything from my body that indicates that my two little embabies decided to stick around. It's going to be a long couple of days until Monday. I remain positive in that I know that even if I had symptoms they could be from the stimming and the progesterone and give me false hope, so having no symptoms means NOTHING (at least that's what I'm telling myself).
I remain PUPO.. and will try and relax :o)



Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Sad News from the clinic


Just got the call from the clinic saying that the remaining four embryos degenerated and were not able to be frozen. That means that this try is the one and only one for us to have children with both our DNA. I am sad, and it definitely puts the added pressure on the little embies that are inside me to stick around. It was nice to have that backup plan of just transferring the frosties from this cycle in the future if we don't get a big fat positive on our pregnancy test (which I am still praying for more than anything I have ever prayed for before). It also takes away the possibility to increase our family some time in the future after we get this one right, through transfer.


Dr. Corfman has pulled out all the stops and played mad scientist to develop a protocol that has the greatest possibility of success... but he's also been real with us that because of both of our medical problems if this one doesn't work there won't be a second cycle with my own eggs.


Now we continue to wait, pray, and do everything in our power (no caffeine, eating my pineapple cores (studies show it helps implantation), no artificial sweetners etc) to convince the little embies to enjoy their new home!


Monday, September 20, 2010

what's happening in there...




Soooo today is day one after a three day transfer , which will be abbreviated as 1dp3dt (1 day post 3 day transfer). I am still very bloated and crampy, but happy beyond belief that all the hard stuff that we went through to get here has been successful clinic-wise, now it's just up to my body to put out the welcome home mat, make things cozy and convince my two little embies to stick!




Anyway, I was curious about what was going on in my body after transfer and what the little embies itinerary involved (ok, I'm a little obsessive):o) Here's what I found




This is what happens in a 3dt :


1dpt ..embryo is growing and developing


2dpt... Embryo is now a blastocyst


3dpt....Blastocyst hatches out of shell on this day


4dpt.. Blastocyst attaches to a site on the uterine lining


5dpt.. Implantation begins,as the blastocyst begins to bury in the lining


6dpt.. Implantation process continues and morula buries deeper in the lining


7dpt.. Morula is completely inmplanted in the lining and has placenta cells & fetal cells


8dpt...Placenta cells begin to secret HCG in the blood


9dpt...More HCG is produced as fetus develops


10dpt...More HCG is produced as fetus develops


11dpt...HCG levels are now high enough to be immediately detected on HPT (this means I could cheat and POA (pee on a stick) to see if I'm pregnant... not sure if I will do that yet. Two weeks is a long time to wait !




I ask for warm and fuzzy thoughts be sent my way for the little embies to feel cozy and at home and want to stick around. I'm focusing on "home sweet home" thoughts.. and if those don't work I'll think of superglue




The journey continues and I'm trying to keep my mind off of what is going on there and focus on my school work. Not easy.


Sunday, September 19, 2010

PUPO- Pregnant until Proven Otherwise


So after talking to Dr. Corfman this morning he gave us the GREEN light!!
Out of 13 eggs retrieved they performed ICSI on 10 of them, and of that 10, 7 fertilized and out of those that fertilized we have 6 that are "normal" which means usable.

Each embryo is given two scores, one is the number of cells it has divided into, and the second is how "pretty" it is A-F.
We had one 8 cell grade B+ (we were told the embryologist rarely gives A's) and one 8 cell grade B that were transferred into me.

We also have 4 embryos that will continue to culture and if they develop into blastocysts by day 5 they will be frozen for possible future use. Of the remaning 4 the embryologist suggested that two might be able to do that, but the other two were lower cell and lower grades (C+'s) and wouldn't probably be able to become frosties because at that grade they don't typically survive the freezing and thawing process.


The process went as smoothly as possible and Dr Corfman said we have a ball park 60% chance of getting a big fat positive. SOOOO We are now in the 2ww (2 week wait) to find out whether these little embryos decided to move in permanently. I have been given the orders to do as little as possible for the next three days to help with the implantation.

WE MADE IT... so we ask for everyone's prayers, crossed fingers, eyes, toes, wishes on a star.. whatever you have available to help make these pretty embryos decide they want to stay.

So until further notice I am PUPO.... and that's my story and I'm sticking to it :o)

Saturday, September 18, 2010

we have fertilization

So there is good news and possibly really bad news....

The good news: We got the message that some of our eggs fertilized, though they won't tell us how many or the quality (grade) of them until we get there on Sunday. Looks like a day 3 transfer is the schedule.

The bad news: The amount of stimming we did has caused OHSS (Ovarian Hyperstimulation Syndrome) this means that the follicles that were left have filled with fluid and have swelled up to painful proportions, causing bloating that makes me look like I am 6 months pregnant, and pain that is so extreme it takes my breath away to even stand up. Friday we attributed the pain to the procedure and assumed it would be better today, unfortunately it's worse. We called the clinic and we were told that the cycle may have to be put on hold if the OHSS is too bad because on it's own it takes a couple weeks for the fluid to drain and for the body to equalize internally, but if we did the transfer tomorrow and got it right, my HCG levels would rise due to pregnancy which would cause the condition to become even worse. The nurse said we would have to freeze the embryos and wait for things to clear up and use them at the next cycle. This would be very depressing, but I will go with whatever Dr. Corfman says is best. We want to enjoy pregnancy not hate it and be in pain and miserable. Bed rest is not an option at the beginning of pregnancy.

SO now we wait and Dr. Corfman will evaluate me tomorrow.,,,until then I will continue to take my tylenol, drink my gatorade and eat my protein. *sigh* Nothing is ever easy....
Tonight we are going to put a heating pad on, recline and watch movies... relax and hope that tomorrow things are a little better.

Ovarian hyperstimulation syndrome, or OHSS, is a process where the ovaries are enlarged and fluid builds up in the abdominal cavity over a period of several days after the egg retrieval, or in very early pregnancy.
Problems seen with OHSS can include:
lower abdominal distention (bloating)
abdominal pain
nausea with possible vomiting
diarrhea
sensation of difficulty breathing - due to pressure from ovaries and fluid on the diaphragm (breathing muscle)


OHSS is caused by a process that results in "leaky" blood vessels. In doctor terminology we say that there is increased capillary permeability and fluid shifting from inside blood vessels into "3rd space" compartments

Friday, September 17, 2010

lucky 13







So we left off with waiting for the call for the HCG shot Tues night... sorry for the delay in writing, but it's been an emotional couple of days and I've been exhausted.... so here's the update:






Tues night at 8:30 Jeff administered the HCG shot and then we rejoiced.. no more needles in my belly YAY (we did the happy snoopy dance)! Dr. Corfman explained the reason for the precise 36 hour timing of the HCG and egg retrieval: The egg inside the follicle is attached to the inside of the follicle by a tiny cord. At exactly 36 hours the enzymes that the HCG shot kicks in in my body have chewed through (his words) that cord that connects the egg and the follicle so the egg is now floating in the follicle making it possible to retrieve the egg without damaging it. If you waited one more hour or were late in the injection the follicle begins to disintegrate and crushes the egg. I thought that was interesting how the body is that precise.






Wed I was able to sleep in and had a day off of injections and treatments, man was that nice. We were told to be at the clinic at 7:30am Thurs for check-in, and the procedure was scheduled for 8:30. Going into the retrieval I had two huge anxieties, the first was getting an IV put in (more needles) since many nurses have told me "I'm a tough stick" hmmph (needle humor.. I don't get it)! The last experience I had with an IV went something like this: Four different people tried to get an IV started in me, they tried hot packs, warm blankets, and then even cold stuff, no go. They finally gave up and sent me up to my contrast IV MRI with no IV. Imagine the surprise when the tech goes to attach the dye to the IV and finds no IV... hmmmm. The second anxiety that I had was that Dr. Corfman wouldn't get enough eggs. Needless to say I didn't get much if any sleep Wed night.






Thurs: Well, I believe I still hold the title "tough stick" as it took two people to get an IV in this time. The first attempt was actually a new one for me, it was on the side of my left hand right below the base of my thumb.. odd. After trying to get it in she tells me that she hit a valve and we will have to remove it & try a different area. NOT what I wanted to hear. The second one was in the top of the right hand, and she was REALLY good !! I wish I could take her name and number down and request her any time I have to get an IV in the future. After that I said goodbye to Jeff (he got to sit and watch monitors in a different room but couldn't be in the actual room) and I was brought into the procedure room. They prepped me and then started the IV's going... which I was told would relax me and was also for pain and that I might be sleepy or I may chatter through the whole thing depending on how my body reacted to the meds. All of you that are reading this are thinking that you know me and I probably chattered through the whole thing...NOPE. I was out like a light, I guess getting no sleep the night before and all the anxiety took a toll on me finally. The next thing I remember is they wheeled me back into the room with Jeff. They have the coolest chair there, one that I think if they marketed it, many men I know would never leave, it is a leather recliner with wheels, so instead of a wheelchair I was riding in style (so comfy!!!). ha ha. Dr. Corfman said that out of the 16 follicles they retrieved 13 eggs ! After the eggs were retrieved the fluid and the eggs are passed through a hole in the wall that looked like an order window(can I get a roast beef sammy and some mac and cheese to go please), to the lab guys who then proceed to wash the eggs and put them in little dishes. After about 4 hours, they perform ICSI on them.



ICSI is an acronym for intracytoplasmic sperm injection - which is a fancy way of saying "inject sperm in the middle of the egg". ICSI is a very effective method to fertilize eggs in the IVF lab after they have been retrieved from the female. (see the picture above)



Yesterday was rough after the procedure, Jeff again took care of me and ran out for soup, movies, and tea so that I could be on bedrest for the day as ordered from the doc. I slept for a couple of hours, then the pain meds wore off. OUCH! So here's the problem with the IVF procedure, they pump you full of fertility meds that help you to develop a LOT of follicles, which is good, then they go in there and suck the eggs out of the follicles, which is also good, but leave the follicles in there which then fill up with fluid and swell to the size of golf balls causing pain and extensive bloating (not so good). Oh and there is the constipation that comes along with this part of the process too. Wow, are we having fun yet? I can take one extra strength tylenol every 6 hours (are you friggin kidding me?). Good thing I'm able to stay home and take it easy I guess. I'm supposed to drink ensure, gatorade and take metamucil. (blech).



Today we are waiting to hear how many of the eggs were fertilized and how many are still growing. The transfer is scheduled for a day 3 (Sunday) but if we have enough eggs that are splitting and looking good, Dr. Corfman would prefer to push it out to a day 5 transfer (better survival and success rates). So now we wait for the call ... tick tock tick tock...

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

we made it...







We had our final ultrasound and blood draw yesterday morning, which was ultimately the worst blood draw I have ever had in my entire life! If there are already bruises on every visible blood vessel on the arm why would you proceed to rub, push, flick or rub on them? The devil nurse than proceeds to question why I would want the smaller needle and then proceeds to admonish me when I flinch when she puts the needle in. Now, I have already told her I don't do well with needles, and she begins to wiggle the needle around while it's in my arm, pushing and pulling it in and out and up and down, stating "wow you were right, you don't do needles well the blood has stopped flowing". I am about to throw up on the cold witch when finally it starts to flow again, thank god. After two vials are full and she is done abusing me, I ask her for a glass of water and she looks at me like I've asked for a milollion dollars. sheesh !!My fertility cocordinator walks in and looks alarmed stating " Are you ok.. you look really pale, why don't you lay down" *sigh*


New nurse.. needs to be be let go. Okay.. enough of my venting about that.. here's the scoop on the results-
got the phone call yesterday that said continue another follistim tonight (monday), one more ganerilix tomorrow (tuesday) AM (grr) and then trigger shot tomorrow night (TUES NIGHT) !!!! YAY.. we've made it, 32 injections in 14 days !! Not bad for the girl with the needle phobia! Jeff has been patient and kind and has been so supportive through everything (even when I turn into the one-eyed, green monster from all the hormones surging through my body). I love him so much!

After the injection tonight we have 36 hours until the retrieval happens. Dr. Corfman will retirieve all the eggs possible and then we will choose the two or three that are of best quality to complete the ICSI process (more on the icsi process later)
The second picture above is an example of the ultrasound pictures of follicles all squished in the ovaries

The first picture shows the egg retrieval process.


**warning** the following is a description of the retrieval process.

Upon arriving at the retrieval suite, you will be positioned on the table similar to ultrasound
monitoring. An IV will be started by which medications will be given to keep you comfortable
throughout the procedure. Medications (Fentanyl and Versed) are injected into the
bloodstream inducing a semi-conscious state.
At the start of the retrieval procedure the vagina will be cleansed and the vaginal transducer,
along with aspiration needle, will be inserted. The ultrasound image allows the physician to
accurately guide the needle through the vaginal wall, into the ovary, and into each follicle to be
aspirated. A suction machine is used to remove the eggs through the needle and as each egg
is retrieved, it is immediately passed into the laboratory for inspection and later insemination.
Some follicles may not contain eggs;

Now we just wait for the message today (Tuesday) to find out what time the injection is supposed to be done tonight. It is critical that we get the injection done at the exact time for this injection (Pregnyl) so I don't ovulate too soon or too late and make the retrieval more difficult.


Saturday, September 11, 2010

Not yet

Jeff writing today....it's been a long one and apparently Kim's voice needs a break

We had high hopes that we were ready for the next step this morning, but it wasn't yet meant to be. Follis had grown a lot and there were some that were over the 18 measurement we needed, but in the words of the nurse, we left "on the fence" whether the doc would give us the green light to trigger. A few hours later we got the bad news that we're not quite there = more needles. They helped us out with bridge meds since our cupboard is bare and we'll be back bright and early Monday morning with a couple more holes in the belly and fingers crossed again. We're still expecting retrieval and transfer procedures to happen sometime this week, but details are obviously up in the air and out of our hands.

Oh, forgot to mention that we had another house meltdown today - great timing as usual. Water main explosion in the basement -- ok, that was overdramatic - we have a little leak in the inlet that caused a small puddle and have a plumber coming shortly to fix it, but not exactly what we needed today. The extra special news is that the plumber told us he's been making a fortune on this type of repair in Plymouth lately because of the minerals in the water -- making 5-6 calls to some houses in the last year. Fortune magazine's #1 place to live indeed.

Anyway, to take our minds off matters for the time being, we took a little excursion shopping for dog treats (those damn bare cupboards again), window shopping for, well, window treatments for our, um, new windows, and some people treats for the upcoming idle hours/days (when Kim is out of commission post-retrieval/transfer). Topping things off with a little lunch (mmm, redstone burger), we came back home to wait for our friendly plumber to arrive, only to come into more sad news... Kim's parents' Sadie (golden retriever of 9 yrs) won't be with us much longer as a massive growth has taken hold of her and she will be relieved of her pain on Monday. She had a great run taking care of the lake and all her people, taught our Ellie many bad, I mean endearing, habits and will be missed dearly by all who knew her and her loving spirit.

Off to meet the plumber and get our minds ready for another couple days of injection hell and stress and high hopes once again for Monday morning. If anyone sees a petition to boycott Organon (pharm company that makes our favorite meds), please sign once for yourself and at least four or eleven times for us.

Friday, September 10, 2010

what a romantic evening...

So....we were worried about last nights injection that needed to happen while I was in class. Turned out we got lucky and the nurse said we could use the follistim instead of the Menopur, which is a much easier injection. I snuck out of class and Jeff met me in the lobby at 7 with his little needle kit, and we were instructed to use the staff lounge because it locks automatically when the door is closed. Hmmm not really. I was in the middle of icing my tummy, and Jeff had the kit open and was setting up the injection when in walk two security guards looking very surprised to see us there. The one says, "You know this is a staff lounge, are you staff"? Jeff tells him that no we aren't but that we had been cleared to use the room, at about that time the security guard notices the injection kit and the front desk lady comes running in apologizing to the guard.. who is now noticeably crabby and uncomfortable about what he has walked in on, he mumbles something to her about "man, you should have put up a sign or something on the outside of the door.. wow" and leaves us to complete our injection. Jeff pockets a cookie from the staff lounge, leaves me a subway sammy that he brought me (so sweet) and heads home to watch the vikings game. I go back into the classroom, and try to not throw up, and attempt to focus on what the prof is saying for the next hour (I really need a nap after Follistim). Luckily I had informed her about the injection so she didn't think that my glossy eyes, flushed face and obvious discomfort were from doing some other kind of shots in the parking lot. :o)

Today is day 10 of injections and we had another really tough Ganirelix shot this morning. Jeff wanted me to put his two cents in about it

here's my one comment from today: drug companies should be ashamed of themselves for saving $0.01 by using crap needles so dull you have to get a running start to break the skin on a med that costs $100 a dose.

That being said here's Jeff's report card continued:
Wed PM:Menopur B
Thurs AM: Follitstim- A
PM: Follistim- A
Fri AM: Ganerelix- A- ( This could be a LOT lower, as this was one of the dullest needles ever and Jeff almost gave up when he couldn't get it to break the skin, but he didn't and got it over with, it was another one that just about caused me to rip poor Mr. Bears head right off)

I was concerned about having to continue stims so I spoke with the nurse to find out what Dr. Corfman is looking for and here's what she said. I need at least 4 follies that are min of 16-17 in order for Dr. Corfman to say it's time for my HCG (trigger shot). My E2 levels have risen to 1165, but the follies just aren't big enough yet. Crossing my fingers that tomorrow's Ultrasound shows a bunch of big ol' follies in there and we can move on to the next step!

I will post more tomorrow after the appt.....
Please keep us in your thoughts tomorrow and cross anything you have for us (eyes, toes, fingers, legs .. they all count in my book) that we have some nice big follies in there :o)

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

*sigh* got the results

So we got the call from the RE, the plan is to continue the same 3 injections tonight and tomorrow, then Friday we do the Ganirelix in the AM (no follistim, they stop the easy one of course), then Menopur in the PM, Sat Ganirelix in the AM, and then Ultrasound and bloodwork Sat at 8am.

*sigh* not the news I wanted, and they didn't tell me what my E2 levels were either.. hmmph.

So tired of being a pin cushion.... :o(

update: Ultrasound and Bloodwork

I had an ultrasound and bloodwork this morning and it appears that I have "the little ovary that could" ha ha! My left ovary is small but it's kicking the right ovaries butt on making follies.. that was a surprise! Here's what they found: Right ovary has 6 follies, 3 are less than 10 (9,8,8)3 are 10 and bigger (10,12,12), Left ovary has 7 follies all over 10 and one is 10X16, and two are 14. E2 last time was 384. Feeling pretty good about those results, now we just have to wait for the phone call to find out what the plan is for the next couple of days. Hoping that they reduce/stop at least one of the injections, but I don't think that will be the case. Good thing is the nurse said that if we are out of meds for one day they have some they will give us so we don't have to order any more. Also this nurse had her caffeine before she played with needles so it was a much less painful blood draw :o)

The next hurdle will be how to get my injection (if we have one) on Thurs night while I'm at class. We've found that icing the area helps IMMENSELY with the menopur injection, but logistically the mixing and prep work is going to be tough to do in a car. The good thing is I found at class on tues that wearing pajama bottoms to class is acceptable, regardless of age ha ha ! Mine are black so they won't look like jammmies, but after seeing what wearing pants to class does to the injections (major bruising) I am going to become my own pet peeve... at least I won't have on crocs of ugg boots too! Ha Ha

Jeff's report card ( he really wanted me to write a blog so I could put this up)

Tues PM -Menopur A+
Wed AM- Ganirelix- A+
AM - Follistim- A+

I'm definitely feeling the hormones now, and feeling how overwhelming this whole process is, as I cry at the drop of a hat, and before Menopur injections each night, so it was good to hear the nurses reassure me that it's normal and that there are a LOT of hormones in me right now. Will continue to be positive and if I squint real hard I think I can see the light at the end of this tunnel... we're almost there. Oh, and if that doesn't work.. Jeff has a pretty spreadsheet (of course) that helps me see that we're almost done too :o)

Next Ultrasound and Bloodwork will be either Friday or Sat depending on E2 levels...that's all for now!

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

can we be done now please?

I've been putting off adding another page to this blog because I've just been feeling generally tired, overwhelmed and really stressed about the process (three injections a day is harder than I could have imagined), and since I try and keep a positive attitude and even find the humor if possible in the situation I wanted to wait.. but I'm finding that I need to vent and share what's been going on.

Hoping and praying tomorrow after the ultrasound and blood test that they will say I can stop at least one if not all of my stim injections. My belly is soooo sore and has black and blue spots the size of pennies all over it. The injections are definitely NOT getting easier, and my poor tummy can't handle much more... there aren't many places that aren't bruised, or have red welts on it now.

We've made it through 15 injections in 7 days so far, and I'm really proud of that. There have definitely been highs and lows, and we've realized that we got lucky with the first shots being Follistim as those still remain the easiest of the bunch. We also, unfortunately, discovered that we got lucky with the first shot of Ganirelix, because this morning's injection was pretty horrible. Jeff said it felt like the needle wasn't sharp enough and he really had to push to get it in, which just about put me through the bottom of the couch and it bled a lot. After doing research about whether this was normal, I found that the prefilled syringes are a crapshoot when it comes to being a sharp needle or not. Great! I give Jeff so much credit though, he has to continue to give me the injections knowing how bad they are,and how sore I am. He's as gentle as he can be and never rushes me. Love him to death for standing beside me and doing the injections because I don't think I would be strong enough to do them myself.

This morning I started classes at 9 am at St. Mary's University downtown, so Jeff had to administer the injection and then instead of laying down and napping to deal with the side effects I had to get in a car and deal with traffic, it was a challenge to keep my breakfast in. Lesson learned there was, the nap after the Follistim is NECESSARY in a big way. Glad this is the only time I won't get my nap after the injection. I felt like a cranky toddler.. not good.

Report Card Continued:
Sunday PM: A-
Monday AM Follistim A-
Ganirelix-A-
PM Menopur- B-
Tuesday AM Follistim- B-
Ganirelix-C-

I just keep telling myself that this is all worth it if we can get a big fat positive on our pregnancy test. I just have to try and stay strong and think of the big picture. Thank you to all of you who have supported us during this process, it is your love and support that helps us remember that we can get through this.

Sunday, September 5, 2010

update: Ultrasound and E2




So last night we started Menopur shots in the evening, which was like playing with a chemistry kit in the beginning. The needle is bigger and stings like crazy and the medicine actually burns for a few minutes, but the good thing is there are no side effects, I don't feel like someone has run me over with a truck after the injection. YAY!






Update today: this morning we had a 7 am appt for an ultrasound and blood draw to check how the little follies are growing in there. Not the nurse that I like for the blood draw and Jeff even cringed when she shoved the needle in... what's with that? I think it should be mandatory for these nurses to have their caffeine before being allowed to play with needles. sheesh. Results are good, I have five follies on the right, and 4 follies on the left, with one that was almost 10mm. The shots are working so that's good to hear :o)






We also got the bad news by voicemail that Dr. Corfman has decided to add another shot in the a.m. for at least the next three days. So the new protocol is injection of 150 iu of Follistim, & injection of 250iu of Ganirelix in the AM, and sticking with 150 iu of Menopur in the evening. YIKES!! Can't say I'm too happy to be ADDING another injection, I'm running out of belly room that doesn't have poke holes in it. Also hoping the Ganirelix is easier and not as hard on my tummy, the Menopur shot leaves a nasty bruise around the injection.
Today we went out and did some clothes shopping so I have something to wear to classes that start next Tues. The belly is pretty sore, but I figure at my age I shouldn't be wearing pajama bottoms to class..
Report card continued:
Shot 6 Friday PM: A
Shot 7 Sat AM: A
shot 8 Sat PM : Menopur- OUCH !! B (tough to say if it was the delivery or just the bigger needle, we'll see tonight.... it did bleed though)
Shot 9 Sun AM D :o( After we got home from the appt, I needed my injection, Jeff inserted the needle and then realized he hadn't set the dosage yet...ooops, but I got two stickers for that one since he then had to change needles and do it again. When he did get it right I would give him a B+ for the actual injection... cranky and frustrated is not good when handling a needle.
Was a little bummed that the voicemail didn't give me my actual numbers for my E2 levels and FSH, just said that Dr. Corfman was pleased with where they were at.
Wed is another ultrasound and blood draw... crossing all our fingers and toes that the follies continues to grow and maybe even get some new ones too. :o)

That's all for now....






Friday, September 3, 2010

Day three.. the report card


So today is day three of the injections. A couple of things we have learned; first, that the right side doesn't hurt as much as the left side. Second, that you need to take the meds out of the fridge for at least an hour and let them warm up so they don't burn as much when injected, third, that when trying for the left side it is necessary to have something in my hands. Fourth, morning injections are easier than the evening ones.


Jeff's Score Card: shot 1 A-

shot 2 C-

shot 3 A

shot 4 C and A- *see below

shot 5 A


so here's the scoop on shot 4.

(kind of embarassing) to share, but I think we do what we have to to get through this I guess, so I figured I'd share.

Last night during my injection: For some reason I find the right side less painful but it's kind of running out of room over there so we tried the left side last night, not good. Ok here's my embarrassing part, I bring a stuffed panda bear out to the couch with me when he gives me the injection, only I typically have it in my right hand (right side shots) well last night he did the left side and I didn't think to switch hands, as soon as he pricked me with the needle, without thinking, my left hand flew up and knocked the pen out of his hand but also ended up scraping it along my left side and causing me to bleed. It was completely an unconcious movement, I didn't even think about it, next thing I know hubby is was pushed over and the needle is on the floor. oops! Guess I either need to stick to one side or get two bears ha ha


The picture above shows our method of knowing where previous injections were so we're not injecting in the same spot twice....ouch!


Side Effects include the same: dizziness, nausea, burning/itching, headache and just feeling exhausted. Also feeling a pressure in my ovaries as they grow all my eggs... which is good I have been told. The emotional rollercoaster from the extra hormones in my system so far has been managable.. though it's only day three.

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Success!


Day 1 of STIMS

So the alarm went off at 5:30 this morning so Jeff could take the supplies out of the refrigerator to let them warm to room temp, which is supposed to make the injections less painful.
The injection itself is much like any other shot, it stings, but it's the 45 minutes afterward that really is the worst part, it starts with dizziness, then comes the nausea, then the injection site burns and itches. He was so wonderful about getting it all set up and made me feel as comfortable as possible. He did a great job, not even any blood afterwards. It's not the most pleasant experience, but I think I will be able to get through them. Having fun little stickers to put on my bandaids on my tummy help a lot. :oP


The Follistim pen that is used for the injections is great...it's idiot proof really. There's no mixing or anything, just dial up the dose that is supposed to be used and go.


<------Here's what the pen looks like
So that's all for now... made it through the first injection with minimal tears, #2 is at 7PM tonight.



Tuesday, August 31, 2010

We've been given the green light :o)

One step down .. many more to go...

Finished the norethindrone on Friday, definitely won't miss the side effects from those that's for sure. Aunt Flo showed up with a vengeance on Monday and today I had another ultrasound to get a baseline and make sure my uterine lining was thinning and that there were no cysts on my ovaries. Everything looked good and we were given the green light to start stims shots tomorrow a.m.
Schedule is Wed-Friday 150 iu injections of Follistim at 7am and 7pm every day.
Sat or Sunday we will swap the second injection for Menopur instead of Follistim.

Sunday I will have another ultrasound and Estradiol blood check. They are checking for my FSH (Follicular Stimulating Hormones) and my Estrogen levels (E2). The FSH levels are an indicator of the ovarian reserve levels, women my age are supposed to have FSH levels 10 and under, mine came in at 12.1 which means I have less eggs left than I should at my age.The E2 levels are an indicator of the number and size of the follicles that are present, the average is 200 per mature follicle, but it's not an exact science. When the E2 levels reach 400 or greater than we will begin the antagon injection as well, which will hopefully help my follicles grow nice and big :o)

Had my first dream about starting the shots....I dreamt that Jeff was mixing the meds (you use a large needle) and forgot to switch out the needle when he went to give me the injection.. yowsa!
Really nervous for tomorrow to come....I know he'll do great, but it's still down right scary!

I will post more tomorrow....

Monday, August 23, 2010

the party pictures
















So I figured I should include a couple family party pictures for those who haven't been part of the past years party picture sharing and for those that have.. have a good laugh!
Games included a relay race where contestants had to put on a kilt, a sash, some kind of fanny pack, and run down to the other side of the yard while carrying a mug of water (supposed to be beer) set it down, then use a plastic golf club to hit the ball into a hoop. Second game was log tossing. Third game was haystack pitching, contestants had a pitchfork that they had to use to toss the bag filled with hay backwards over their heads over a rope attached to trees waaaay up in the air.
Ok.. so I admit I might not be too sad I missed this years games ha ha !
















I decided on day 1 to wait and post after a week on the new meds since there wasn't much to write about after one day. I have started my Noerethindrone, taken once a day at 7 am, side effects include headache, nausea, bloating, and LOTS of water weight retention.. everywhere, I feel like a macys Thanksgiving day parade balloon, and have resorted to wearing hippie dresses that have no elastic around my stomach for comfort (ugh). We will continue this medication through august 27th. I then get a couple day break, followed by an internal ultrasound on August 31st, not sure what they are looking for at that one. Sept 1 is "D-DAY" the injections begin twice a day, but no need to get ahead of myself here and cause myself to have a panic attack, those will come soon enough!! As you can see fromt he pictures, I decided that having a counter and refrigerator full of meds was just depressing so Jeff and I went to Michaels and picked up some containers that we decorated to make this process a little more fun and manageable :o)






Outside of the protocol here's what's been going on:



Last weekend my crazy family had their annual theme party up at my parents house, the theme was Scottish this year! Food was incredible, but I had to sit out of the games this year due to my nausea and headache. It was a great time with family though, lots of laughs. Last weekend was also kind of a biggie for us, as we told my extended family that we are going through IVF, not knowing for sure what type of reaction we would get. I felt good about sharing it, but it also makes me uncomfortable because the more people that know, the more people that it could possibly be really uncomfortable to be around come Christmas time if we don't get this right. Again, I know it's all in my head, as most of the family was very supportive and excited for us. But there feels like that added pressure of knowing that others are going to ask and going to look at us differently if it doesn't go right. *sigh* Oh well, cats out of the bag already so can't shove her back in there... now I'll just look at it as having a whole bunch of cheerleaders.






On another note, I finished registering for classes at St. Mary's, and will have three classes this semester. Very excited to get started with it. I decided the doctorate program would be too much to handle at this point so I am going back to specialize in marriage and family therapy so I can open private practice when I'm done. Mixed reactions from family about that news, I think they all just think I'm nuts....finished the masters and I'm still going back for more schooling? ha ha






On the job front I have an offer for a position in Apple Valley, and I have a second interview for a position in Minneapolis. I am trying not to dwell on the fact that I may be putting too much on my plate, as I will be going to school three days a week, working up to 32 hours and also fitting in all this IVF stuff and appointments. I just keep telling myself it will all be worth it! I wouldn't be able to do it if I didn't have an incredibly supportive hubby, and I love him to death for sticking by me through all this schooling. In fact we are planning a really romantic date, he's asked me to sneak out of one of my classes one night and meet him in the parking lot... so he can give me my injections... now that's romance. :o)






That's all for now...the adventure continues...

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

the package arrived


So I received the package from Walgreens pharmacy today, it was quite a large box. After laying it all out on the counter and checking and double checking that everything was here, I went outside and had to sit down and take a minute to breathe so that I didn't have a panic attack! I thought I'd share a pic of all the meds/supplies. Most of what you see are premeasured needles, there are two bags of needles, long and short, and then a couple of meds in pill form (I like those little brown bottles sooo much more than the rest of those boxes!)
I will post more about it tomorrow ....as tomorrow is DAY 1!



Wednesday, August 11, 2010

This week update

Hello...
so Sunday I started the antibiotic Doxycycline, two a day 12 hours apart is the directions for use. I missed the part that said take with food. Turns out I have a pretty ugly reaction to this antibiotic and it makes me really nauseous all day Sunday (and every day since). I figure this is just hopefully a trial run for what morning sickness might actually be like?!? WOW.. really really sucks!

Monday- appointment for the sonohistogram is today (butt crack of dawn too), Jeff is going with me, and I think he'll be surprised that he'll be in the room for the exam ! Why is it that any type of exam like this requires you to both pee in a cup for a pregnancy test, but to also have a full bladder when they do the exam?!? Just give me "three drops" is the instructions that I was given... ai-yah. When you have a full bladder this is a tough thing to do. I managed to get that part done and had to slam a bottle of water afterwards.. ooops. OK, so having the catheter inserted was not too bad, this was a trial run for the egg transfer day. The next part, the probe, wasn't a lot of fun with a full bladder!!

The results showed that I have one ovary that is almost "normal", Dr. Corfman wants them to be 2.5 or greater in size, I have a right ovary that is 2.47 and a left one that is 1.8. He's concerned that the left one isn't going to produce enough/ if any, eggs for the retrieval. *Sigh* not good news... but still going forward with it.

I have to say I love Dr. Corfman, but I get the distinct feeling that he thinks we should be using donor eggs instead of mine. He made the comment that the end goal is to get pregnant and if I were his daughter he would say use donor eggs. *sigh* Yeah, I know so far I haven't responded well, according to past IUI's, to stimulation medications, but is it so wrong to want to try to have a baby with my genetics? I did good holding back the tears in the room, and I know that the way that he's a no-bull-shit-allowed kind of doc is one of the reasons that we use him, but sometimes I would love for him to sugar-coat it a little. He said there's still a chance that after we start the stims (two to three shots a day gulp) that we could get to day 8 and realize there aren't enough follicles to go forward, then the cycle is cancelled. This is my biggest fear right now. I am trying to stay positive and not even think about that as a possiblity, but the little bugger of a thought creeps in every now and then. grrrrr

So this week is a biggie for me, I have a job interview on Thurs, an interview for St. Mary's University on Friday, and I walk for graduation on Sat. Also, I'm so excited that my in-laws are coming in on Thurs, can't wait to see them and to catch up on what's been going on, OH and we are going to a FABULOUS restaurant that night mmmmmm ribs. First Course here I come... get the ribs ready...

On another note I found and started this wonderful yoga dvd called Yoga for fertility, it's really a great practice and soooo relaxing, which is what I need right now with everything going on. I know my professor Dr. J would be proud that I've given up my hot yoga for now :o)

Today I am going to call to order the medications that will start next week. So far we have an est. of $3,000 for meds. wow!

Ok, that's all I have for today.. will update again soon. I'm going to suggest Jeff blog about his experiences so far too.. we'll see if I can talk him into it :o)